Is Santa Claus a secret Nazi?
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By David Futrelle
Ok, so you know how there are lots of white people in northern Europe? And, like, Canada? What if a bunch of far-right shitlords were able to convince the media that cold weather was a white thing? Then the libs would have to support global warming!
That, in any case. is the argument of weirdo racist pickup artist guru Heartiste, and I have to confess that I did Nazi that coming.
In a post a couple of days ago, Heartiste set forth his proposition:
I hope the fake news media … declares winter a co-opted symbol of White Nationalism. … Just get the meme spreading that cold weather is congenial to Whites and causes nonwhites endless suffering, you’ll see shitlibs turning on a dime about their opposition to [autogenic global warming]. I want shitlib whites to feel uneasy every time they make a snowman with their 0.7 kids or strap on a pair of skis.
End game: shitlibs become global warming fans. lol
The big problem with this truly galaxy brained plan — aside form the fact that it makes no fucking sense — is that the only people who seem to have swallowed the “cold weather means white supremacy” logic are 1) Heartiste himself and 2) a small percentage of his readers.
Heartiste earnestly pines for some sort of apocalyptic cold snap — which is one seemingly paradoxical but possible result of global warming — hoping that a colder climate will literally wipe out millions if not billions of people who aren’t white enough for him.
He starts off his post with this attempt at poetry:
Winter created Whites.
Winter will save Whites.
Pray for the Long Winter.
Alms for the Grand Solar Minimum.
Shrines to the frigid night air.
Prayers to the God of the Land of the Ice and Snow.
The big freeze returns.
Then he spells out what he thinks the consequences of this “big freeze” will be:
The North Winds won’t always be survivable by the high time preference hordes. A shortage of heating oil coupled with a mini ice age should wonderfully purify heartlands and minds.
(The “high time preference” bit is a reference to the belief of many racists that people of color only think about the present and can’t plan for the future.)
A few of Heartiste’s readers think a “purifying” ice age would be just dandy.
“I’m a mountaineer with experience in -30 degrees F,” someone called Corinth Arkadin boasts.
I know a tiny amount of people (to include my Saxon woman!) who could do what I’ve done in that temperature.
Cull the herd. Bring on Winter.
But most of the commenters are skeptical, getting into long-winded and sometimes nasty debates on the evolutionary history of white people, with a few of them pointing out the rather obvious fact, ignored by Heartiste, that people of color have lived in cold climates for thousands of years.
One commenter called Doktor Jeep sidesteps the whole debate and urges his fellow shitlords to try to get the libs mad at Christmas instead.
So, if we would prefer to commit an ultimate act of taking “always offended” leftism and shoving it back up their asses without lube, all we have to do is take not only the winter symbology but the Christmas symbols as well and turn those into “white supremacy”
It will make them ruin their own Christmas because they’ll take it away from themselves – or perhaps every horrible evil white male heterosexual christian gets free rent in the heads of every SJW alive as they go out of their way not to say “Christmas”.
Meanwhile, a commenter called Veritas offers a theory of white people that’s literally more galaxy brained than Heartiste:
Not that I have any hard evidence for this myself – but I truly believe, in my heart and soul – that the Aryan race descendends from another planet, another universe, that our himmlische Vater sent us here to save and redeem this world, for the benefit of all mankind
White supremacists are deeply weird.
Also, I’m white and I hate winter.