By David Futrelle
I‘ve been covering the manosphere’s collective obsession with sexbots since the start of this blog more than eight years ago. Back then, some in this weird internet community were predicting the almost-imminent arrival of sexbots that were both affordable and (to these guys anyway) virtually indistinguishable from real women.
Indeed, some were saying that in as few as ten years, these sexy robot ladies would become so ubiquitous and so realistic that actual human women would go obsolete.
Well, it hasn’t been quite a decade yet, but I thought I’d go ahead and see how things were going in the worlds of sex robotics and woman obsoleting.
But first, let’s remind ourselves of what sexbot technology looked like way, way back in the dark age of the early 2010s. In March of 2011, I wrote about a sexy robot lady by the name of Roxxxy, put together by a company called True Companion LLC, and capable of what her creators thought were some truly seductive moves. Roxxxy, I wrote,
can turn her head like Linda Blair in the Exorcist and mechanically banter with non-robot men using a variety of canned phrases that sound a lot like what a perpetually dateless non-robot man might imagine a sexy lady would say if ever one deigned to speak to him.
She could also wiggle a little bit in what Roxxxy’s creators evidently thought was a sensual manner.
There have been impressive, and sometimes terrifying, improvements in robot technology since then. Humanesque robots can now run and jump and pick up boxes and do a bit of light parkour.
They can even do backflips.
Some non-humanesque robots can bowl with stunning accuracy, if not in the conventional manner.
And this creeepy quadraped can get through doors, even if you, erp, don’t particularly want it to.
Meanwhile artificial intelligence and voice recognition technology has developed to the point that for a mere $30 (and the total loss of your privacy) you can equip your home with smart speakers that will converse freely with you on such topics as the current weather and how old Kirk Douglas is. (According to my friend “Google Assistant” he’s 102 years old.)
So how have the sexy robot ladies been coming along? Well, here’s the new, improved (?) Roxxxy, as of 2018. Her “conversation” still seems like a string of canned phrases.
And her allegedly human-like movements, well, let’s just say they have a way to go before they even reach the uncanny valley.
As for her sex moves? Well, if this inadvertently hilarious R-rated video of her on PornHub is any indication, they still seem to consist mostly of wiggling. (Then again, that’s also my signature sex move.)
Meanwhile,”Emma” here is definitely not ready for prime time.
There are some other “sexbots” out there that seem a tad more human-like than these two though they too have their, er, limitations.
Here’s one that was, I believe, designed to look like Scarlett Johansson, which she doesn’t quite pull off, though she is a good deal more human-looking than Roxxxy. But her mouth movements are scary and unsynchronized and her wink, well, let’s just say it could use a bit of work, unless you’re intending to use her to frighten small children and more sensitive adults.
She might also want to work on her posture, which currently resembles that of the marionettes from Team Amerca: World Police.
This sex robot head is probably the most realistic-looking of them all, at least if you’re really into rubber heads. But its “flirting” is more than a little bit mechanical. Also, it’s just a head, designed to be attached to an otherwise immobile sex doll.
So in conclusion:
Sexbots have not yet rendered women obsolete.
But if you’re a lady-hating man who nevertheless wants to fuck a lady RIGHT NOW, might I suggest a cheaper Do-it-Yourself alternative to the still-imperfect yet extremely pricey models featured above?
While lacking a little in the body department, this DIY model will answer simple questions while you go to town on its artificial vagina. All you need is a smart speaker, a Fleshlight or something similar, a roll of duct tape, and a sturdy stick. Just attach the speaker and the Fleshlight to the opposite ends of the stick with the tape, as shown below. (You can also swap out the Fleshlight with a dildo if that’s your preference.)
For added realism, you can print out a picture of your favorite celebrity lady and tape it over the speaker. Ta-da! The perfect sexbot.
Technology marches on. I’ll check back in another eight or nine years to let you know if women are obsolete by then.
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