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By David Futrelle
So-called Men Going Their Own Way are some of the most ignorant motherfuckers on the entire planet. But they do have a certain expertise in a small number of areas — whining, cooking inedible food in great quantities, and of course the fine art of fucking inanimate objects.
Yep, MGTOWs sure do love the Fleshlight — the silicone vagina-simulator that comes inside a plastic shell that looks a bit like the world’s largest flashlight — and aren’t shy about proclaiming this love to the world, at least in the virtual safe spaces MGTOWs have carved out for themselves online.
“[I] fully believe my fleshlight saved my life. by creating an experience in masturbation that was as good as real sex,” wrote TheTruthSetYouFree in the MGTOW subreddit.
“Who knew $60 could replace a woman completely,” he added in another r/MGTOW thread.
Thank you modern silky smooth stretchable plastics. I was released from my hormonal illusions. For a while I still wanted women. I still dated. But sex had 0% power over me. What I saw shocked me. Women literally have nothing else to offer.
“When men en mass value sex dolls, VR, and fleshlights over a woman, it’s game over for the female species,” gloated Gutsybukel, another MGTOW Redditor, arguing (in a separate comment) that
Women are always thinking about themselves and what is there to be gained on their behalf. By men having fleshlights and sex dolls, [women] lose their power and become null and void.
A woman, argued MGTOW Redditor DangZagnut, is essentially
a fleshlight that complains a lot. I can buy a fleshlight for the cost of one date. Except the fleshlight is superior in the sense that it doesn’t have the inherent liabilities as a relationship does.
Over on the MGTOW.com forums, the sentiments are similar.
A Fleshlight, snorts a MGTOW called Boar, is
[a] one-time investment that I don’t have to keep ‘hhaaappppyyyyyy’ or worry about its collision with the Wall and subsequent lunacy.
Oh, and it can’t f~~~in’ tweet!
“We’re getting married next month,” another commenter joked about his Fleshlight. “You’re all invited.”
“[F]leshlights are better than women in every way.” enthused a MGTOW by the name of Anthony.
Now only if they made a version where it would make me a sandwhich afterwards and they’ll be perfect.
That said, not all MGTOWs are quite so fervent in their Fleshlight fanhood. Some prefer vagina-simulators from other brands. Some, as one MGTOW.com commenter put it, “[p]refer to use a human female body to masturbate with.” Then there’s the MGTOW Redditor who insists that his own particular dick is just too big for a Fleshlight to handle.
There’s also a small contingent of men who prefer to craft their own Fleshlight-equivalents. Some keep it all-natural, and simply carve out the inside of a cucumber. Others are willing to devote more time to fashion something a little more sophisticated.
“A vagina is essentially a blind pouch,” explained hmskl’d on MGTOW.com.
It is a muscular walled canal with a soft flexible lining that provides lubrication and sensation. …
It is so simple in design that it can be reproduced by any beginning anatomy student over a weekend in a homeschool science project using nothing more than some kitchen wrap, aloe containing lotion and some cotton and foam pillow stuffing. I mean the engineering of this is so basic that it only takes simple pressure tweaks and twirly twists in design to actually improve on the sensation. If done fairly correctly .. it will likely produce a “holy-moly” result.
Holy Moly indeed. I think we have at last found a MGTOW who is really and truly Going His Own Way.