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By David Futrelle
Today, some handy investment advice from … the semen retention subreddit?
You might wonder how exactly this particular subreddit — a harder-core version of the anti-masturbation NoFap subreddit devoted to the allegedly magical powers of not spilling your seed on the ground — could possibly offer any useful financial advice.
Well, take a gander at this posting from the front page of the subreddit today, in which someone called Semencollector5000 explains why not jerking it makes you the Warren Buffett of SEMEN POWER.
Clik here to view.
Well, that’s rather a lot to absorb. But as a former personal finance writer, let me point out one teensy weensy difference between jerking off your dick and selling stocks:
When you sell your stocks, you don’t have them any more.
When you ejaculate, your body just makes more semen. There’s basically an unlimited supply.
If stock investing were like jerking off, I’d sell my stocks every day, probably multiple times, until the markets closed. And then I’d wake up the next morning with a brand new portfolio of stocks to sell.
There’s really only one real way that the stock market is like jerking off: Day traders are huge jagoffs.
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