Hey ladies!
Last night Donald Trump, America’s favorite orange-faced semi-Fascist, risked alienating his many white supremacist fanboys by turning to Yiddish in an attempt to insult Hillary Clinton.
Referring to Clinton’s previous run for the presidency, Trump told a crowd in Michigan that
she was favored to win — and she got schlonged, she lost, I mean she lost.
In the same, er, speech, Trump also brought up Hilary’s now-famous bathroom break during the last Democratic debate — she was late returning to the podium, apparently because the women’s bathroom was so far away — by affecting great disgust at the very notion of women having a tinkle in the toilet.
I know where she went, it’s disgusting, I don’t want to talk about it. No, it’s too disgusting. Don’t say it, it’s disgusting, let’s not talk, we want to be very, very straight up.
This is not the first time that Trump has expressed his revulsion at a woman’s biological functions. Back in August, you may recall, Trump attacked Fox News host Megyn Kelly after she asked him about some of the misogynistic things he’s said in the past about women.
“You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes,” Trump declared in a CNN interview afterwards. “Blood coming out of her wherever.”
By “her wherever,” Trump was apparently referring to Kelly’s you-know-what.
As last night’s “schlong” comment reminded us, Trump also likes to talk about penises, though he somehow always manages to do so in a way that is much more demeaning to women than it is to men,
A case in point is the lovely remark he made to attorney Gloria Allred, who had criticized him for staying mum after Miss Universe Canada officials tossed (and later reinstated) a trans woman from the contest. (At the time, Trump owned a huge stake in the Miss Universe contest.) Allred observed that no one had demanded to know what was in his pants.
Trump told her anyway:
I think Gloria would be very, very impressed with [my penis]. I really do. I think she’d have a whole brand new image of Donald Trump… There’ll be no apology whatsoever.
Let’s take a brief stroll down memory lane, shall we, and look at some other appalling things The Donald has said about women.
Let’s start this list by returning to Hillary Clinton, because of course Trump’s “schlong” comment isn’t the only appalling thing he’s ever said about her. Here’s one infamous Tweet he posted and later deleted, either because he thought better of it or because his lawyers did.
As it turns out, Trump has many charming thoughts about powerful women. Here he is offering his highly sophisticated take on Arianna Huffington:
.@ariannahuff is unattractive both inside and out. I fully understand why her former husband left her for a man- he made a good decision.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 28, 2012
How much money is the extremely unattractive (both inside and out) Arianna Huffington paying her poor ex-hubby for the use of his name?
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) April 7, 2015
Trump routinely responds to criticism from women journalists with schoolyard insults — sometimes delivered right to their door. New York Times columnist Gail Collins says he once responded to a less than flattering column she made about him by sending her
a copy of the column with my picture circled and “The Face of a Dog!” written over it.
He followed this up, years later, with this lovely Tweet:
Frumpy and very dumb Gail Collins, an editorial writer at The New York Times, is so lucky to even have a job. Check her out – incompetent!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 15, 2014
But he doesn’t only have it in for female journalists and politicians; he reacts to criticism from pretty much any famous woman by attacking their looks, among other things.
While @BetteMidler is an extremely unattractive woman, I refuse to say that because I always insist on being politically correct.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 28, 2012
.@BetteMidler talks about my hair but I'm not allowed to talk about her ugly face or body — so I won't. Is this a double standard?
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 28, 2012
And then of course there is Rosie O’Donnell, one of Trump’s favorite targets over the years.
Sorry, @Rosie is a mentally sick woman, a bully, a dummy and, above all, a loser. Other than that she is just wonderful!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 9, 2014
Trump has been lobbing crude insults like this at O’Donnell for years. In an Entertainment Tonight interview from nearly a decade ago, he declared that
Rosie O’Donnell is disgusting, both inside and out. If you take a look at her, she’s a slob. How does she even get on television? If I were running The View, I’d fire Rosie. I’d look her right in that fat, ugly face of hers and say, ‘Rosie, you’re fired.'”
“We’re all a little chubby but Rosie’s just worse than most of us. But it’s not the chubbiness — Rosie is a very unattractive person, both inside and out. …
Rosie’s a person who’s very lucky to have her girlfriend. And she better be careful or I’ll send one of my friends over to pick up her girlfriend, why would she stay with Rosie if she had another choice?
Trump’s a little obsessed with that “ugly both inside and out” line, huh? Presumably he uses it so that he can’t be accused of attacking only a woman’s looks.
Of course, not everything Trump has said about women has been insulting. Sometimes it’s just creepy as hell.
During one appearance on The View, he had this highly icky thing to say about his daughter Ivanka.
She does have a very nice figure. I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.
Did I mention that she’s HIS DAUGHTER?
And then there were these perhaps inadvertantly revealing remarks he made about Paris Hilton on the Howard Stern Show back in 2003.
I’ve known Paris Hilton from the time she’s 12. Her parents are friends of mine, and, you know, the first time I saw her, she walked into the room and I said, ‘Who the hell is that?’ … Well, at 12, I wasn’t interested. I’ve never been into that. They’re sort of always stuck around that 25 category.
Dude, if the first thought you have every time a female human being walks into the room is “is she old enough to have sex with,” you need help.
Let’s make sure this guy doesn’t become our president, huh?